You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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