You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its not stalking. its research.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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