I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
