He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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