tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
