the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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