I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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