My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize