I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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