Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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