You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
