i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
