He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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