I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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