No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
