Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize