god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
