physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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