I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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