May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize