There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
