Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
