oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
