rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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