A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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