community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
where does the pee come out of this thing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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