He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
