i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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