Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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