pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
