I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
