dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
