Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
