Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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