My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
