yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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