I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize