I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize