Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
