Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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