You're so nebulous sometimes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
