Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
