If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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