I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
