Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
