i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
