8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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