I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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