we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
