i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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