Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
