He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize