I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
