it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
