He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
