Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
