I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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