I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
