Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
