She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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