if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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