david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize